Who Has It Better: Working Mom VS. SAHM Showdown!

There’s two things I know for certain: 1) I will never have a tampon in my purse when I need one. 2) The grass is ALWAYS greener. This post is focusing on the latter.

Me before having a baby:
“I want to be like those moms. The moms that go out to brunch to meet their friends with their baby strapped to their bodies like it’s no big thang. I could stay at home and play with my baby all day. Never miss a thing. I would have time to shop, keep the house clean and probably learn to cook! I would be like her – the one with her hair curled and make up that looks so good. She even has heals on. I mean, how hard could it be to get ready? I know babies make it a little harder but a little effort goes a long way. That’s the kind of mom I’ll be.”

Like, look at her hair. 9d7076c13bdd9388c3df8949eddcb8b5.jpg (682×1024)

Me after having a baby:
“I want to be like one of those moms. The ones in the power suit hustling out the door to work. There’s probably not enough time in the world to get everything the need to get done and they’re hustlin’! Like, a total super mom. And then they get to pick their happy baby up at daycare and spend 2-3 happy hours with them and send them to bed. That would be the perfect balance.”

Like, seriously. Perfect photo of what is in my brain.

working-mom.jpg (1024×1024)

The truth is, most parents can probably relate a little better to someone like this little lady-

juggling-mom-w-baby.png (273×300)

A little too much on their plate and a little too much pressure to make it look easy.  Quick question though, why doesn’t this mom have spit up on her shirt? Or is that just me? Oh, and who wears their hair down with a baby? #Impossible #ShaveItOff

It’s funny how everything always looks super awesome until you are the one doing it. In the 8 months I’ve been a mother I’ve experienced both of these worlds (substitute leggings and a nice tunic sweater for the power suit). And both worlds are great… and both suck. It’s like an argument of who wore it better but the other side is the one that always wins.

Since moving back to Iowa I haven’t found looked very hard for work. I have days I am dying to get a job. I imagine the second picture, where her hair is done… making dinner in her power suit… happy kids… all after a fulfilling day at the office. That could be me. Until I remember… NO… crazy lady… it was never like that. But now after having almost 2 months off the thought of dropping my baby off at daycare for the majority of the day makes me want to throw my face directly into a large, dense, chocolate cake and eat my feelings. I really don’t want to do that either.

The answer is this: I need goals. Here we go.
1) Make cool mom friends that don’t judge me drinking a glass of Chardonnay at 11:30am while wearing a shirt that appears to be tie-dyed by spit up. Minor detail, also can’t care that I probably haven’t showered lately.
2) Appreciate the fact I get to choose. Being a mom is a privilege. Being a stay at home is a privilege. Being a working mom is a privilege. And one is not better than the other, they both come with struggles, they both come with advantages and they are both tiring.
3) Get a therapist. I think I ended on that last time, too. I’m working on it.

For now, here’s a snippett of my morning:

He’s crawling all over the place, leaving spit up trails as he finds his way to the liquor cabinet, and smiling all the while smiling, crying, and laughing simultaneously.

And here’s me. Try to keep your husbands away from me. Hot mom alert.
image

It’s Fri-YAY! #Cheers.

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11 thoughts on “Who Has It Better: Working Mom VS. SAHM Showdown!

    1. girl, as they say… “it’ll be worth it.” And although the massive amounts of debt are enough to keep me up at night, at least he’s home more! A lot more! It’s weird, awesome, and a little annoying all at hte same time!

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  1. Totally. Our plan when Leo was born in May was for me to go back to work in January (8-months old). We toured a daycare/”school” early. That quickly changed to this coming August (will be 15-months old). I toured another daycare/”school” yesterday morning by myself and it was great. Perfectly clean, smelled amazing, organic this and non-toxic that, 1.5 hours of outside time. Objectively, likely better than the sometimes-we-don’t-leave-the-house-for-days and trying to shove strawberries in his mouth to get him used to textures days I’m leading (I was informed at the school that he, for example, wouldn’t be fed strawberries now because they’re not in season and not organic.) Oops.

    BUT I couldn’t help but look at those little precious 1-year to 2-year old faces and just think they need their parents and homes. They were so cute!! They didn’t really care about the other kids there. I felt this way at the last daycare, too. There was a distinct age where they became seemingly aware and appreciative of their environment with friends and that was “the late 2’s room”. So here we are again, looking at our upcoming tax refund as another way to float my staying home longer.

    I, too, struggle some days with feeling like I’m not contributing to society/the family, not doing anything worthwhile, etc. I came across this quote that I’ve been reciting to myself when those feelings come up: “The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.” It has worked the last few weeks and I hope it keeps working until I feel like daycare is good for my little!

    Plus, they’re getting so much more fun, interactive, and sweet now. I think daycare would’ve been better for me from 6 weeks to 6 months 😂 The ideal situation would be perhaps a babysitter for a few hours a couple days per week. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s 10a-2p to let me be free is all I feel I need right now! Dropping off baby from 730A – 430P every.single.day Mon-Fri… horrifying!

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  2. As a teacher, I’m lucky to experience both. By May, I’m ready to SAHM forever, but by August, going back to school doesn’t seem so bad. Overall, I think the balance of both works well for me.

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  3. What kills me as an infertility warrior and momma is that I no longer have the choice or ability to stay at home and enjoy the child I spent years fighting to have, due to the medical debt it took us to have him. I would have thought that this could have been a possibility for a little while before my son was in school, but instead we’re the equivalent of a university education in debt with what it took to have him, and working hard to regain our lives – in every way. And – I’m VERY grateful every day for him, he’s worth anything and everything to us – but relative to the situations of our friends and family, and where we thought we’d be – it’s so overwhelming. Another thing that years of infertility and alternative-family-building attempts robs you of, and also something it’s hard for our fertile friends and fam to really grasp.
    I love my career, and I love being a mother, and I always picture myself as working, but I do wish I had more opportunity to enjoy my time with and provide the care for my little boy in his earliest years. But, that’s just me. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for sharing, Claire! You’re absolutely right. I know staying at home isn’t for everyone but for those that would love to choose to be at home, I feel for you. It would be nice to have a choice. For me, I’m “fortunate” to say my salary was low enough where it was pretty close to coming out even in terms of daycare costs vs my paycheck. So it put me in the position to choose. However, if I never moved and still lived in Illinois i would’ve kept my job. That’s what was working for me. It makes it a lot less fun to not have the choice. Just know you’re doing a good job. A really good job. And that baby has a damn determined momma! Keep it up. ❤

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