The Hot Mess Mom

This is my new name. I decided I wanted to change my name to The Hot Mess Mom. I even searched to see if the .com was taken… it was. I would’ve happily taken the official blogging title as The Hot Mess Mom. But in case you’re wondering, this is my new name. Please do not call me Mallory anymore. I’m the Hot Mess Mom.


We are a little over 5 months deep in motherhood and as I reflect on these months I am surprised on how hot messy I still am. I still only shower, like, 3 times a week. It’s possible my hair isn’t even washed this often (it’s also possible this has more to do with a personal objection to showering very often rather than my hot mess mom issues). I still only sleep 2-3 hour stretches… often even worse than that! I am still late to work every day. My hair is always in a ponytail. If you see me with more than mascara on my face you should congratulate me. I workout only when I muster up the energy. And I officially enjoy drinking coffee more than wine.

What the hell.

When I was pregnant I imagined my summer was going to be filled with pool days while my baby slept soundly next to me. I imagined I would kick all the baby weight off by using my treadmill every day while the baby slept. I also hoarded a bunch of shows to watch on my DVR because I thought I was going to be bored with a new baby.

What the hell.

Am I proud that the longest stretch of sleep I had last night was 1.5 hours? Am I proud that I’m wearing glasses today because I am trying to hide my eyes after being too lazy to put on mascara? Am I proud my hair is barely brushed enough to be in a ponytail? Am I proud I have barely cooked a meal in 5 months? Am I proud every laundry basket in my entire house is overflowing? Am I proud I was an hour late for work? Am I proud my shirt actually has spit up on it and I knew about it before I left the house but didn’t give a fuck?

Am I proud?

Hell yeah I’m proud! I’m not going to feel embarrassed that my life is still upside down. This is my life now. And I’m proud! My life is great! I am officially not one of those put together, organized house having, trendy moms.


Before baby at work vs. After baby at work

Not only do I look like a hot mess but who has the time to perfect a filter on a photo these days? I actually find this annoying now.

And this is everything I ever wanted.  The hot mess was my destiny. It is my dream.

I am actually going to do the opposite of apologize. I am going to brag about how the spit up on my shirt got there because I was laying on the ground holding Kent above me while he laughed and smiled… and then threw up on me. I am going to brag about how I was late to work because I was trying to figure out which hat looked cutest on him this morning.

Because that’s what a hot mess mom does. Not brag… but tell it like it is. No faking shit around here. I need to see more hot mess moms. I know you’re out there. Are you surviving one coffee at a time? Are you barely scraping together enough energy to pour your glass of wine at night? Are you staring at other mom’s who look like they have their shit together and wonder #HowTheFuck? Are you exhausted to the point of tears? And is your hair in a ponytail? Are you all these things and HAPPY?

Then, I’m sorry… take a seat… you’re a hot mess mom. Join the club! I’m glad you’re here. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to the mailing list. Let’s be a hot mess mom together. Because honestly, a happy, healthy family is all I ever wanted… wish a splash of hot mess. My dream.


Happy Friday. Cheers.


4 thoughts on “The Hot Mess Mom

  1. Ha – I love this! I have a 6 week old daughter, conceived via IVF, and am currently hovering somewhere in the #hotmess zone… I definitely recognise the overflowing laundry basket thing. One day this week I didn’t get to brush my teeth until about 4pm. And I was so tired the other day that when the tubing part of my breast pump accidentally went in my cup of tea, I couldn’t be bothered to get a cloth to clean it, so I just carried on with pumping (nothing bad happened but it’s probably not advisable!). I could go on… Thanks for reminding us to celebrate the wonderful hot-mess-ness of new motherhood and to embrace the chaos (tidiness and cleanliness is SO overrated, right?)!


    1. I would consider it a WIN that you’ve only had one day where you didn’t brush your teeth until 4! I remember those early days when I would look at the clock and it was almost time for my husband to get home from work and I needed to go brush mine too! lol Oh the joys of motherhood!


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