Seriously, how is this possible? We spent over a year in continuous infertility treatments where time stood still. And now, just like that, I’m halfway done being pregnant? How is this possible?
20 Weeks down. 20 Weeks to go. 20 weeks. Holy Crap. That’s plenty of time to figure out where to register. Plenty of time to figure out which car seat to buy, and of course have it easily transportable from one car to another and it’ll need to fit perfectly into the jogging stroller that I’ll find for under $200 in my ideal color of ice blue. Right? Plenty of time to paint nursery walls from our current hideous yellowish-brownish color. Plenty of time to find a crib, a dresser, a changing table, adorable sheets and bed sets, a bold print rug to fill the room and some window treatments that pulls the nursery together. No pressure.
Help. Mom, I need help. Someone do this for me. I KNOW NOTHING!
I’m gonna go ahead and put those things on the back burner and just stare at these baby pictures we got from our 20 week anatomy scan this Monday.
Of course I’ve seen these kind of photo’s on Facebook from time to time. And I always wonder “Do these people really think that is cute? It’s hardly human-like. And it looks like an alien.”
Well I was a naive A-hole. These pictures are super cute. It is a baby human. And I admit, a bit alien-like. But it’s my baby.
And just like that, things got reeeeeeeal. It’s time to realize this is going to happen. Things are actually going to work out. And time is going to pass. Soon enough the snow will melt, the sun will shine and it’ll be June.
I’m to the point now where, as you can see, I’m noticeably pregnant. People say “what’s your birth plan?” And “Are you going to breastfeed? How long?” “Will you make your own baby food?” “How long will you take off for maternity leave?” “Do you want a Doula?” “Are you using cloth diapers or regular?”
Ya lost me at birth plan.
I DON’T F-ING KNOW! Should I know this? Like, how do people find answers to this? A few weeks ago I wasn’t sure I would ever get pregnant and now, all of a sudden, I’m supposed to have a birth plan? What the hell is a doula? Baby food? Cloth diapers? Gross!
Whenever I have felt a bit out of control or unsure of things I’ve always resorted to my favorite coping skill: Wine. But of course, that’s frowned upon now. So, uh, I’m going to try to go to sleep or something. Maybe eat some ice cream.
I’m not sure when I’m going to find the perfect window treatments on a budget. Or research cloth diapers. Or develop a birth plan. But one thing I know for sure is… I’m going to be grateful for this growing belly. I’m going to enjoy having the appetite of an 18 year old football player on steroids. I’m going to wear the tightest maternity clothes possible to emphasize this bump. And I’m going to sleep as much as I want and not feel guilty.
Happy 2o weeks little baby. I swear I’ll try to quit calling you “it.” But I won’t quit chugging Diet Cherry 7 Up. You like it too much.
Thank you to everyone for the endless love and support. Even last week when I complained about being broke. Which, by the way, I’m thankful for the support – especially you medical wives who understand where I’m coming from. I know many people have a hard time feeling sorry for someone married to a doctor who is complaining about money. But this struggle is real. This medical journey is a shit storm, for a lack of better words. #SorryMom Sometimes we don’t understand each others situations perfectly but thank you for listening. For reading. And being apart of my life journey.
I love everyone.