We all have stressors

It’s the final countdown. In a few {long} months the wait will be over. And it’s happening in 2016. Anyone have any guesses what I’m referring to? No, not to the birth of our first and most loved possession ever. Can you refer to babies as possessions? You can, right? Like “it” is yours… righhhhht? 

I’m referring to the end of residency. THE END OF RESIDENCY. Hello. It’s the end. In December WE (and I say we proudly) are done with residency. It’s the end of what we were worried about for 4 years during medical school. It’s the end of the 3.5 years we have spent praying time would go faster. It’s the year. Finally. Lord bless it. The 12 month countdown is here.

For anyone who has not heard me complain over the past 3 years of how shitty residency is… (which is one of my favorite things to do, aside from talking about infertility, complaining about residency is my second favorite thing to do). Residency, in a nutshell, is when a doctor has graduated medical school and gets shipped off to God knows what part of the country to pursue their dream to become a board certified Dr. of whatever. Residency takes between 2-8 years depending on your specialty. We are on year 3 of Internal Medicine. #KillMeNow. Consider Grey’s Anatomy your reference. Seriously. It’s not that far off. Long ass hours. Grueling schedule – of which you have no control over. You work nearly every holiday, every weekend, and countless overnights. You miss family reunions, weddings, and Christmas’s. You work for a pathetic paycheck and lay your head down at night praying “this will be worth it, right?” I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard those words mumbled from Brad’s mouth or yelled.

But it’s the 12 month countdown. How exciting, righhhhhht?

But the clouds haven’t been lifted. The light is not shining through the tunnel. Lord help us, he wants to do fellowship. Lord help us me. This means 3.5 MORE years of a grueling schedule. 3.5 more years of a shitty ass pay check. 3.5 years of paying your entire paycheck on student loans. All $400k of those student loans. You get the idea. Tell me I’m not alone.

Similar to my favorite description word to infertility, whether he gets fellowship, is a total crapshoot. We can not PLAN on getting fellowship. We can not PLAN on being done with residency. We just sit. And… wait for it… relax.

We wait until DECEMBER to find out. That’s right. The month he’s done with residency is the month we find out if he was accepted into fellowship. #HowConvenient #Not

I know, complaining like this is not very becoming. I know. But this issue, for lack of better term, has been on my mind a lot lately because being that we are on a very strict budget #ThanksResidency + #ThanksStudentLoans + #ThanksInfertility. Adding a baby to the budget is difficult. Of course we considered this issue prior to getting pregnant, DUH, but it doesn’t make it easier.

But we all have stressors. Always. There’s always something. And somehow we survive. Somehow the time passes. And somehow we are okay in the end. And we look back and say “How the hell did we do that?”

 I’m so proud of my husband for working so hard to pursue his dreams. He never complains. I do plenty of that for him. He just works hard. And stays focused. I admire that about him.

So it’s time for this chick to take a lesson. I’m going to buckle down. And we’re going to figure it out. Whether we are done with training in 12 months or 4.5 years. We will survive. Our baby will be happy. And we won’t die. Eye on the prize. Somehow the time passes. Somehow. And I’m going to enjoy this ride. Be proud of what we’ve accomplished. Be proud things aren’t always easy. And dare I preach, “Hard Work Pays Off!”

And with one big bitch fest and a few inspiring words… I feel better now. Please feel free to share your stressors in comments. We all have them.

Now I’d like to proudly show, as always, my one true proof that hard work pays off…

image

19 weeks. Nearly halfway, people. I’m thankful to report I feel nothing but happy, energetic, and a heathy appetite. I’ve continued to workout 4x week with no issues at all. I’m obsessed with being pregnant. I’m not going to lie… I feel extra special. Like, hello, I’m growing a baby the size of a grapefruit this week!

Monday we have our anatomy scan. Although we aren’t finding out the sex, I’m so excited for this appointment to see that beautiful grapefruit face. 72 hour countdown.

Cheers to Friday. Drink wine for me if you can. Thank you. The end.

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6 thoughts on “We all have stressors

  1. You are too funny lady! OMG….your bills are giving me nightmares though. You guys are saints…and yes, it absolutely WILL be worth it! Looking back, even if it is another four years…it’s going to be a blip in time. I mean…do you even remember college at this point? I sure don’t…or at least, I tried to erase it from my brain and think I’m succeeding. Take care, mama!

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    1. HAHA that’s hilarious! That’s so true. Big picture 4 years goes by fast. I love the saying “the days are long and the years are short.” Because that’s exactly how it feels! #JustKeepSwimming

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  2. Hi lady,

    I feel you. My husband finished his internal medicine residency and decided to do a fellowship in pulmonary critical care and matched at Harvard. We moved to Boston a year and a half ago and it’s been rough adjusting to the east coast and the snobbery that’s goes along with prestige. Fortunately, I’ve been able to do my postdoc here and we’ve been able to establish a community of friends, so it hasn’t been all that bad! We are expecting our first baby in June (I’m due the 15th) and we are thrilled! However, due to the outrageous rent and daycare costs in Boston ($3000 for a two bedroom and roughly the same for daycare) we will be hemorrhaging starting in September! I also can’t afford to quit my job. It’s my career and passion on top of needing the income to stay alive! We have the same feelings…. Is this worth it? Should he have done a fellowship or just been a hospitalist and made a bunch of money? Should I have done an academic postdoc or should I have gone right into industry/pharma? All I know, is that we will get through it. We love each other so much and respect each others’ careers and passions. Only 1.5 years left until we can get our first ‘real’ jobs and make acceptable salaries for the amount of educations and training we’ve both done. It is daunting and I totally feel your stress! It’s overwhelming at times and I feel like we’ve both lost sleep this week stressing over money. I hadn’t thought of taking out a loan for daycare and I’m not sure we can in fellowship, but we will check it out!

    Some positive words… Fellowship is WAY better than residency. I don’t know what kind of fellowship your husband is doing, but I can promise you his schedule will be better! I see my husband almost every night and on most weekends. On call nights means answering phones calls and not having to stay the night at the hospital. He only had one week of nights, which is awesome! I feel like we actually have a normal relationship with regard to schedule and it’s been so wonderful. You have this to look forward to 🙂 AND and the big one….. Your husband can start moonlighting to make extra money, which really helps!

    Hang in there and know that there is another mommy to be in a similar situation in Boston :).

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    1. Umm… I think you’re my new best friend. We have a LOT in common! I was in graduate school the majority of medical school so we both started our careers around the same time, giving us zero time to build up a savings or anything. It’s tough when we both have spent a lot of time, money and more time to school and it sets us back. You get it.
      And the loan we plan on taking out would be during fellowship if he gets it. (he’s doing GI). We have been renting out our spare bedroom and I’ve been working a second job on the side to grow a bit of savings for childcare costs but that will run out by the time residency is over. SO we will need to get a loan. Or heaven forbid, a credit card (I heard you could pay childcare with a credit card.) Sadly this might be the case for us.
      But you’re totally right.. whatever it is, we’ll make it through. We will have a roof over our head, food on the table (perhaps canned beans and rice lol) and love in our hearts and thankfully, it’s not forever. And I’m truly grateful I can say this won’t last forever. That’s the biggest motivation for it all.
      Thank you so much for sharing about your fellowship insight! Anytime I’ve asked Brad about it he said “expect about the same schedule. It’ll be just as bad.” So I haven’t been feeling like it’ll get better but I imagine you’re probably right, it’s gotta get A LITTLE better. And ideally, some moonlighting if his schedule is better.

      Thank you for all your insight. Please move here and be my friend. ❤

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  3. Or you could move here and be my friend! I happen to work for the head of GI at Mass General. Goosebumps! I’m sure your husband will be familiar with the program here. All the GI fellows I work with are able moonlight and make extra money, so have faith!

    I forgot to mention that we are also team green and not finding out the sex until he baby arrives!

    🙂

    Hugs my Chicago friend!

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  4. I started the blog at the beginning and Im WAAAAAY behind but I swear after every post I want to reach out and vent too…. it feels so good to know there are wives out there with the same stress the same worry and the same attitudes. you and Nikki are golden.. My husband is now in his last year and we here news on our fellowship in july (match time). In the mean time if we don’t get it..WHERE WILL WE GO! How do I pick our next place and still be open to possibly two more years somewhere else…… just shoot me in the foot now.. I feel like I’m gambling and thats only fun when its someone else’s money.

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