#HeyMallory: Hitting A Wall

Q –  What do you do when you hit a wall? My husband and I have been trying for a baby for almost a year. I haven’t been diagnosed with infertility or anything, cycles are normal etc, it’s just taking a bit of time which I know can be perfectly normal. However, about 8 months in, I am hitting the frustrating wall of c’mon and almost feel like I need a break. I should mention, my husband has not “hit a wall” like me and so we continue to try. It’s sometimes just hard to have to try. Does that make sense? Scheduling sex? So romantic let me tell you! And to be clear, it’s absolutely not that I don’t want to continue trying – I want to be pregnant every day but there’s a part of me that just wants a month where I am not monitoring everything and analyzing every symptom.
I’d love any advice- usually mine just involves wine and playing with my pup but I’d love to feel like I’m not the only one on this island.

A- Let’s be honest, scheduling ANYTHING you HAVE to do is never cool. Especially intimacy. #Yuck. I have to admit, I actually never had the “opportunity” to try naturally because I don’t have a cycle… so I guess I’m one of the lucky ones that never encountered the “exhausted from scheduling sex.” However, I can relate to the fact of scheduling other ways of conceiving, like IUI and IVF. Brad wasn’t even present for any of my IUI’s. In fact, one time I had to go to the hospital to get his “sample,” stick it under my arm, drive it to the fertility clinic, wait for my IUI, and go back to work. Talk about sexy..

I can reassure you with this – nearly every couple who has been trying for a while can totally relate to your question. Perhaps they plow through it or maybe they take a long break. We hit two walls in our infertility journey and took a break each time. Breaks were always initiated by me and happily accepted by Brad. In fact, he was usually so busy he never knew what was going on until I told him “hey, I need a sample” haha so he’s easy to convince to take a break. The first break was 2 months long, after our first 3 failed IUI’s and before starting IVF #1. It was Christmas and New Years time. #Wine. Since I don’t ovulate, the pressure was 100% off for “trying.” Second break was for 5 months – before starting IVF #2. This break was mostly because it was summer and… shocker, needed summertime wine glasses filled on a patio. Badly.

With that said, let’s give this out to the masses. Shall we? Let’s see what kind of advice other people have. I would assume about 99.9% of people dealing with infertility do encounter this issue. I’m just a freak of nature. #GoFigure.

So, I extend this question to the FERTILITY GENIUSES OF THE WORLD! Or really, anyone who has hit a wall. I imagine you don’t need to be trying very long before scheduling sex becomes super annoying. So really this question is relatable to so many! So, how do you do it? When you hit a wall? Let’s help Carly out!

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6 thoughts on “#HeyMallory: Hitting A Wall

  1. Agreed, I am sure your husband will not mind at all if you just tell him you want to take a break from trying (I’m guessing part of his being so excited about TTC is an effort to be a supportive mate to you!).

    When we were trying on our own, our sex life definitely kind of went on the decline, it got almost torturous since we weren’t doing it because we WANTED to but only because we felt like we HAD to (seriously, I once made him do it while he was suffering from a nasty case of the flu, see where that got me? nowhere). The minute we stopped doing the baby dance, all the fun of DTD came back. It doesn’t sound like you are quite to the point of the baby dance interfering with your…. pleasure… but if your brain is telling you that you need a break from stressing about it, I would definitely listen 🙂

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  2. Of course, HE hasn’t hit a wall, because he’s not the one doing all the monitoring and scheduling and constantly thinking/worrying about it all. I would explain the toll it’s taking on you, and propose a brief break, maybe 1 or 2 cycles, from the trying trying part. Maybe plan some dates, a little romance. Busy yourself with FUN things so you’re not always thinking about TTC. It’s amazing what a simple break can do for your mental health!

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  3. After over a year of trying, with regular cycles I hit that wall also. I felt I wouldn’t feel good about it until I went to the Dr and got a professionals opinion. I ended up finding out I had a blocked tube, and would never have gotten pregnant if I kept trying with out removing that tube. Talking with a professional might give you some insight on why all your hard work and monitoring is not working. There could be those issues you would never know about, even when everything from the outside seems just right.

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      1. I actually did not have to do IVF, apparently you can still have babies with 1 tube. I just had to be on some medication to help, but it worked! It’s actually kind of crazy how much you and I have in common! 😉 I am always here with a listening ear!

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  4. I can totally relate! We knew from day 1 that getting pregnant would more than likely be difficulty do my endo, but we had no idea we actually had MF as well. So like you, we never had the timed intercourse etc, but we did try often. We all have times when we just hit a wall and need a break. For me it was after over 3rd IVF try (1 fresh and 2 FET). I really just needed to step away and not monitor and not plan a thing. It was fun to just have sex because we wanted to and not because it might be the one month were a miracle would happen. When you feel you need the break or you hit a wall I recommend taking the break. Have sex, but don’t monitor. Don’t keep up with anything at all! If you are wanting to keep pushing through the wall (which we have all done!) then find other ways to make it sexy or sweet. One thing with IVF that we did that I always felt made it really sweet, was my husband would mix all the shots and then he would give them to me and then give me the biggest kiss. No we weren’t having sex to make this baby, but he still should me the affection like he would if we were, because that is exactly what we were doing: making a baby. If you do treatments I always tell people to do a meal together afterwards or before to make it more romantic. Take pictures that day just as you would if you got pregnant on a random trip or date night. It is hard I am not going to pretend it isn’t but sometimes we just have to get creative! Good luck!

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