The Truth After An IVF Postive

Good news: I’m still pregnant.
Bad News: Every hour I wonder if I’m still pregnant.

I always imagined hearing the words “You’re Pregnant” would send me straight to La La Land and I would have no more fears, no more worries, everything would be simply WONDERFUL!

But the reality of life struck again… I’m not in La La Land. #Damnit. If I could spend every waking moment at the doctor’s office so they could give me around the clock validation that I’m still pregnant… that would be great. But apparently that’s considered high maintenanced. Or something. #Whatever

How do I feel? Annoyingly fine. I look WAY more pregnant than I feel! #DamnBloat #ThanksProgesterone

Proof. #WoofimageI don’t want to talk about it. But I’m really close to start rockin’ maternity clothes and telling people I’m 6 months. I dare somebody to tell me I’m not 6 months.

But I do have a little secret to share in regards to how to dress your adorable little bloat, or bump, or beer gut. It’s called the Old Navy Mid-Rise Rockstar Jegging.

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See that waistband? That’s right. So Sexy. They are the most magical jeans. I want everyone to have them.

But seriously though… I could use a few lot more pregnancy symptoms and a little lot less bloating.

My mom said it best, “I wish you would just start throwing up so we know it’s real.” #ThanksMom #ShesGotAPoint

To keep me busy over the last 7 days, I’ve made up a fun game:
The Full Disclosure Crazy Lady Number Game

The number of maternity outfits I have bought: 3
The number of maternity outfits Brad know about: 0
The number of non alcoholic beers have I consumed: 7
The number of people I have blurted out the news to: 37500
The number of time I wish I would’ve kept my big mouth shut: 37000

The number of walks I have taken as my only form of exercise: 8
The number of times I’ve wondered if I just dislodged my baby by my cat jumping on me: 292
The number of times I have refused to make dinner because I’m “tired”: 7
The number of times I had an “extra helping” because “who cares I’m pregnant”: 1052
The number of times I almost opened a bottle of wine because I forgot I was pregnant: 7
The number of times I wore leggings to work due to the Progesterone Bloat: 5
The number of times I got distracted at work looking at pictures of pregnant people online: 5
The number of times I googled miscarriage risk week to week: 2
The number of apps I downloaded to give me up to the minute updates on “what my baby is doing now.”: 2
The number of times I have cried after finding out someone close to me is pregnant again… easily: 1 –  I was surprised at my reaction to this, since now I’m pregnant… but it still is just a reminder that it’s so easy for most people and so hard for others. So I cried. Like a baby. #LeaveMeAlone

All week I’ve been counting down the hours to the next day in hopes I can get through it still pregnant. Does anyone else worry like this? Curious, I asked a few reliable contacts of mine, who got pregnant relatively easy, to share what their first experience was when they found out they were pregnant. Specifically, did they freak out most of the time that they were going to miscarry or something terrible was going to happen…? #PleaseSayYes #MiseryLovesCompany

I received a BIG “HELL YES, I worried!”
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON told me they had all the same worries.

And apparently this torture of worry continues… FOREVER. One friend gently put it, “Welcome to motherhood. The worry never stops.”

With that said, I’ll continue to be normal. I’ll continue to worry every time my cat steps on my stomach, or I energetically jump onto the sofa, or my cramps subside for a few hours, or my cramps become more intense, or I never get morning sickness, or I didn’t eat enough calories, or I ate too many calories, or I… the list goes on and on. But there’s one thing I can do right. I can continue to be normal. Did you hear that? I’M NORMAL! And so are you!

So I’ll leave you with this, whatever battles you have… however crazy you think you are, I can assure you, you are not as crazy as this person:

cat (1)

#YouAreWelcome

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6 thoughts on “The Truth After An IVF Postive

  1. Yup! Welcome to motherhood! I wasn’t prepared for how much worry I would have after my daughter was born (almost 6 years ago) and it caught me off guard. Your friend is right you will never stop worrying! But, along with the worry comes the most love and joy you could ever imagine. You’re way ahead of the game. You got this!

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