I Take No Responsibility For My Actions.

Look out! Clear the streets! Lock your doors! Crazy lady on the loose! And she can’t stop crying. Honestly, it’s laughable. Laughing and crying at the same time is the worst. It’s like, you have enough insight to know you’ve completely lost your noodles but you can’t stop. #CanIGetAnAmen #AMEN

Naturally, I was crying while shopping at TJ Maxx last weekend. Brad turns to me: What’s wrong?

unnamed

So I ask myself, in my hormonal state of crazy: Why are you crying?

It should be a simple answer, right? A normal person would look at my situation and think: She’s probably upset because:

She’s scared of the retrieval not going well.

She’s sick of doing all these shots.

She’s exhausted because she isn’t sleeping well.

Her pants are all too tight.

Her ovaries hurt.

Her husband works too much.

But noooooooo. When you’re hormonal – You are not normal. NOT NORMAL. During an acute hormonal episode, my answer is:

My hair is too flat.

It’s cloudy outside.

My spray tan is fading.

My sunglasses are foggy.

My fingernails hurt.

The Voice is so good.

My cat doesn’t like me.

This puzzle is hard.

I’m getting old.

Therefore my parents are getting old. #UglyCry

I have to dye my hair to keep it blonde.

My ankles are thick.

I can’t sing as well as I use to.

My shirt doesn’t have sparkles on it.

My underwear is too tight.

I have to eat dinner soon.

My alarm clock is too loud.

It might rain in 3 days.

Facebook changed its settings.

We are out of yogurt.

My retainers don’t fit.

I need gas in my car.

This list is too long.

raw

I told you. Crazy lady on the loose. Seriously, lock your doors.

Let’s be real for a sec. I’m not crying because of any of these things. I’m crying because I’M HORMONAL.  And I’m going to stick up for myself. I refuse to be bullied by my hormones. I refuse to take responsibility for any my actions/feelings/words/tears. No responsibility held here. Nope.

My answer to Brad when he sweetly and innocently (and regretfully) asked me what was wrong that day in TJ Maxx: URG! {insert eye roll} And I stomped off like the bitchy 14 year old teenager I vividly remember. Poor guy.

The real answer? Not a damn clue.

But no decent woman in a true, acute hormonal state would ever admit defeat. #Never. #NotHappening! So I stomped off to the car like the 14 year old wannabe that I am. Praying he never brings it up again.

Luckily Brad is smart and didn’t mention it. #ThankYouJesus #HeSavedHisOwnLife

So whether you are hormonal because of infertility. Or Pregnancy. Or because you’re 14. Remember this: Never take responsibility for your hormones. They are their own beast, let them fend for themselves. I like to say things like “Damn hormones, you better get your shit together or else I’m going to show you what a hormone freak out really looks like.” Because we are not our hormones. They are just in our f-ing way to acting normal. It’s not our fault. So therefore, no responsibility. #Amen #YouAreWelcome

What you can do is prepare those around you for the upcoming storm. Warn them. Get out the chocolates. Hide your kids. Tell them you only accept compliments. You won’t do any chores. And not to ask you any questions. That’s all you can do. And… hope for the best, I guess.

And this, my friends, is what 12 days of stims looks like. #NutJob #PutAForkInMe


IVF Round 2 Update:

I’m experiencing nausea, no appetite, minimal bloating, cramping, bruising in my stomach, and did I mention hormonal? Just to keep things spicy I’d like to note I had all the opposite experiences last time. So… like I mentioned in my post last week, it’s a crapshoot. Everything is a crapshoot.

Retrieval is set for TODAY, September 25th. At 10:20am. On the dot.

I have 9 little follies growing. And everything looks textbook perfect. I’m so anxious. Every hour this week passed so slowly. Lord help me!

As always, I’ll be back next Friday

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2 thoughts on “I Take No Responsibility For My Actions.

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