The Time is Now, Biotch.

So it’s time. Just me and you, Infertility. Me and you. Goin’ at it. Face to face. Let’s do this, biotch.

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Feel the momentum? Feel the thunder? Feel the badassedness?

I’m well into my IVF Round 2. I have to admit, things seem easier this time around. I know what’s coming. I know what to expect. I know how my body responds. And I’m not going to freak out. Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out!

But I do feel like I’ve been blindfolded by a stranger, on a cold winter night, escorted up a steep hill with howling wolves in the distance… Which is fine because next week I will be released over the edge of the cliff. That doesn’t sound very scary, does it? Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out!

One day at a time, Mallory. Calm down! Be normal!

Stims Day 1: In the car with my husband driving to Iowa. Feelings: Nervous. Anxious. Excited. Damn, Menopur burns! 

Stims Day 2: We tailgated all day for the ISU/Iowa game with friends and had tons of fun. I brought a large backpack with a small cooler inside, which did NOT contain vodka, Redbull, or beer, rather, a very small bottle of Lupron. The rest of the bag contained about $2K worth of meds: 225 Menopur, 75 Follistm, alcohol pads and a few needles. We snuck away to jab myself around the corner of the local bar. Ah, Memories. #NotADrugAddict #JustInfertile

Stim Day 3: More jabs. Feelings: This is getting old… I hope I’m stimming fast. 

Stim Day 4: BW/US Update- NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. Nadda! Nothin’! Zilch! No follies growing and estrogen in the 70’s. Time to up the meds. Follistm 75 to 200. #GoBigOrGoHome Feelings: It’s OK. This happened last time. You just will stim longer. Be calm! Be normal!

WAKE UP OVARIES! FREAKIN’ IDIOTS!

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Stim Day 5: Totally wiped out tired. I left work at 2:30 to go home and rest… I laid in bed the entire night until I fell asleep. Totally unusual for me. Feelings: I’m scared. What if they aren’t growing? What would we do? Be calm. Be normal.

Stim Day 6: BW/US Update: SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED. Finally. Ovaries are brewin’ some follies now! 10 follies between sizes 7-10. Estrogen 260’s. Feelings: What a relief! But those girls that only stim for 8 days. Lucky bitches ladies.

Stim Day 7: I taught two workout classes this morning. But I’m more of gym teacher, of course. Shouting “high knees” while I drink my coffee. (quit judging me. Coffee is fine.) I can tell my ovaries are in full force because they hurt when I yell… luckily for my class. Furthermore, I swapped out my exercise ball in my office for a normal person chair. Feelings: So proud of my bloat emerging. This means my body is being normal. Normal. Be normal!

Stim Day 8: {Today} Feelin’ good! 8 follies brewin’… which is the same as last time. So I’m “right on track” in Mallory World. Mallory World, that sounds fun. Estrogen shot up to 625. But again, DING! DING! DING! Time for a med increase. As a result of these incessant med increases, I’ve been forced to buy more meds. #WhoNeedsMoneyAnyway? Feelings: Is 8 enough? I’m 29 years old. Why do I not get any eggs? My reserve is fine. Urg. I wish I could drink some wine. It’s fine. Be calm. Be normal.

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At this point, I’m fixated on anything infertility related. I’ve been particularly obsessed with researching celebrities that have gone through IVF. But I’m not finding much vulnerability or openness from these people. Come on… you are not super humans. Super beautiful maybe. Or super talented. But you are not super freaky perfect humans. Be normal!

Halle Berry has never admitted to going through IVF to conceive her child at age 46. Come on! I read the chances of someone at age 46 conceiving naturally is 0.01%. So what are the chances she is not only blessed with super human looks, super human talent, but to be actually super human? Give me a break! 

Here’s some celebrities I dug up that are brave and courageous and super human beautiful and super human talented but are not pretending to be super freaky perfect humans. 

Jaime King- 26 IUI, 5 Miscarriages, and 5 rounds of IVF. What a badass!
Jaime King- 26 IUI, 5 Miscarriages, and 5 rounds of IVF. What a badass!
Jimmy Fallon and his wife had years of infertility and failed IVF's until they got pregnant via surrogate.
Jimmy Fallon and his wife had years of infertility and failed IVF’s until they got pregnant via surrogate.
Celine Dion went through IVF 6 times to become pregnant with her twins.
Celine Dion went through IVF 6 times to become pregnant with her twins.
Hugh Jackman and wife, Deborrah. Infertility for years. Eventually was happy with adoption.
Monica, I mean, Courtney Cox suffered multiple miscarriages until she achieved a healthy pregnancy via IVF.
Monica, I mean, Courtney Cox suffered multiple miscarriages until she achieved a healthy pregnancy via IVF.
Brooke Shields attempted countless IVF rounds until she decided "one more time" and she became pregnant.
Brooke Shields attempted countless IVF rounds until she decided “one more time” and she became pregnant.

I feel better now. Time to keep walkin’ blindfolded up a steep hill… 

If I don’t post next Friday it’s because I’m getting this super human eggs outs of me! #HollaIfYaHearMe!

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8 thoughts on “The Time is Now, Biotch.

  1. Lol, love your has tags, especially #WhoNeedsMoneyAnyway. PS I am sure (not that I have obsessed about their lack of disclosure or anything) that J Lo and Mariah Carey BOTH were not just magically blessed with twins right off the bat during their late 30s / early 40s…

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      1. In reference to why celebrities just can’t admit it Is because it feels like such a defeat or you have failed as a woman at something that should come naturally. Maybe it’s worse when you are in the public eye already it’s just another thing to feel insecure about in such a ruthless Hollywood world.

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