Does anyone else suffer from a severe case of Chronic Oversharer’s Disease (COD)? It is inconceivable to think that someone would not be interested in the chronological details of an IUI. Or how big my ovaries look today. Or how my follicle was a size 18 this time when I triggered but last time it was a 20…? Or that IVF can take up to 8 weeks, and sometimes they get cancelled because X,Y,Z…
Let’s say I’m at work in my office and I’m innocently listening to 8 hours worth of fertility podcasts. #TotallyNormal When my coworker comes in to ask me a work related question and overhears the word “IUI” and “cervical mucus.” Her ears perk up and regrettably asks “what’s an IUI?“
“An IUI is when my ovaries are stimulated with a mood-altering medication from days 3-7 of my cycle. I am closely monitored via vaginal ultrasounds and blood work until a follicle reaches size 17 or higher. Then I give myself a jab in the stomach with another mood-altering medication that induces ovulation. Then I track my husband down at the hospital where he works for him to sneak off into a creepy-ass bathroom in efforts to provide his ‘sample’ in a cup so that I can casually stick it under my shirt and into my armpit and drive to the fertility clinic. #Sexy. I will sit there for at least the next hour until they are done with the “sperm wash.” The sperm wash involves cleaning the sperm to remove unnecessary volume and specifically, leaves the healthy sperm to inject in me within a few minutes. I undress,
my nurse BFF and I have a casual chit-chat about the weather and when her kids start school, and then she inserts a catheter into my uterus and releases the good sperm. At this point she typically compliments my cervical mucus and I smile with pride. The sperm will reach the ovulated egg within the next hour or two. And then I’m PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).”
It occurred to me after this past failed IUI that I must be truly suffering from COD. When my coworker, again, innocently and regrettably asked how things are going I respond, “Great! I actually ovulated on my own and…” and she says “Oh, I don’t need to know details, but I’m rooting for you!”
Ok, don’t be a biotch about it. Geez! #ToughCrowd #whatever
A similar thing happened when I was trying to adopt a kitten last week.
Cat lady says, “What makes you want a kitten now?”
I joke “Filling voids.” (And apparently that’s NOT funny!) #StrikeOne
I explain, “Oh, we’re going through intensive infertility treatments and…” the whole sha-bang is delivered, once again.
Cat lady, “Oh yeah, I had to do that.”
My eyes light up, “OMG! REEEEEEEEAAAAALLLYYYY?”
Cat lady, “Yeah, I had to do IVF.”
Me, “OMG OMG OMG OMG ME TOO!!”
Cat lady, “Or was it IUI? Which one is the most invasive?”
Really, biotch? If you don’t know… stop wasting my time. “IVF is more invasive.”
Cat lady, “Ohhh, okay, I did the IUI then. But it worked first try!”
Must’ve been rough… #BeerMe
But seriously, tell me I’m not alone. Who else has severe case of COD? Is it time for a therapist? Most likely. But who has the time? Apparently projecting my feelings and experiences about my infertility journey is always interesting to me, but normal folk don’t know the difference between an IUI vs IVF. Oh, what I’d do to move on from the repetitiveness of thinking about infertility…
Someday I won’t spend 5 hours a day googling things like “Average length of Luteal Phase” “How to get my period back” or “What’s the ideal post-wash sperm count.”
SOMEDAY I will be spending time googling “How to get my 3 year old to sit down so I can french braid her hair” and “Help! My toddler won’t eat his broccoli.”
IVF Round #2 Update:
I’m currently on my first week of birth control.
Ultrasound/Bloodwork Scan: Sept 3rd
Lupron Shot starts: Sept 4th
Last birth control pill: Sept 6th
Baseline Scan: Sept 10th
STIMS START: Sept 11th — Lupron (5 units) / Follistim (75) / Menopur (225)
Ultrasound/Blood Work: Sept 14, 16, 18, 20, 21, 22… until trigger.
As always, thanks everyone for all the love and support! And if you’re going through IVF this September – HOLLA AT ME! We can be COD buddies!