The #TWW Survival Kit

I’m not your typical TWW-er. For those of you who don’t know what TWW is… bless your sweet little hearts. I’m jealous. It’s short for the dreaded, and arguably deadly, TWO.WEEK.WAIT. The torturous waiting period from the time you ovulate until you find out your life has forever changed for the better… or, more commonly, you are about to drown yourself in a bottle of wine.

During the TWW there is absolutely NO amount of fun you’re allowed to have. Below I’ve clearly identified the #AhHellNo’s to maximize your pregnancy chances.

Here’s the TWW rule book:

  • You must eat 587 Pineapples to promote implantation. 
  • No Alcohol. 
  • Looking at alcohol can ruin it all for you.
  • If you know someone who might be at risk for drinking alcohol during your TWW, stay away from them. 
  • You must practice yoga, mindfulness, breathing exercises, or a combination of the 3 at least once a day. #namaste 
  • Nothing cold. No cold beverages or foods. No cold feet, hands, or uterus. If touch anything cold, breath anything cold, or think about winter… implantation will not occur. 
  • Absolutely no sweating of any kind… unless you’re on progesterone meds because you can’t stop those hot flashes. #ItAintMyFault
  • Refrain from any kind of exercise that might cause your embaby to bounce. No running, jumping, biking, swimming (Don’t even get me started on hot tubs, woman!), no hoola-hooping and no lifting any weights over 5 pounds. It’s encouraged that you barely walk at all. Crawling is encouraged. If at all possible, simply lay in bed for 2 weeks.
  • Don’t lay around. You need blood circulation. Brisk walks, cruising in roller blades, and long lunges are all permitted. 
  • No Caffeine. Do you want a crack baby? No! If you drink caffeine, it’s clear having a baby isn’t important enough to you. 
  • No meat of any kind. Especially deli meat. See video below and do what they do…



Listen, after going through a full year of intensive fertility treatments with a lot of money and time invested in each cycle, I’ve learned a lot. The first 4 months I spent the TWW refraining from alcohol… feeling guilty if I had half a glass of wine. I spent my time saying ‘no’ to social events. I refused to work out for the fear of shaking my embaby up. I chugged pineapple cores. I practiced yoga. I stopped caffeine. I tried going to church more. I SERIOUSLY TRIED EVERYTHING. And here’s what I’ve learned…


This week I went on vacation with my family to the Wisconsin Dells. We arrived in the Dells 2 days after my IUI. I was there for 5 days. Here’s what Embaby and I did…

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I drank frozen margaritas at 2pm in the afternoon.


My sister, Allison and my two nieces.

I crashed into waves every day at the wave pool.



I helped my sister Allison finish this plethora of beers at a local brewery


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I went down countless water slides. Including one where you go straight down. It was crazy.


I can’t live my life saying no to water slides, margaritas, and wave pools!! I’m only human for God’s sake! I can’t spend two weeks every month sitting on a couch drinking pineapple juice with my fingers crossed and over analyzing every twinge that sparks through my uterus. #truth

But I can take control. I can choose fun. FUN. That’s right. I choose fun! I choose alcohol. I choose cold feet. I choose deli meat. I choose caffeine. I choose bouncing. I choose sweating. I choose alcohol. I choose caffeine. I choose alcohol. I choose alcohol. #PassTheWine!


So am I pregnant? Probably not.  We will see! 3 more days until testing day! I am currently in the midst of the progesterone pregnancy trick in which my body has all the pregnancy symptoms you can think of… but it’s not my first rodeo so I’m not holding my breath.

But one thing I know for sure…


Holding this baby could’ve only done a body good!






*ps-If you are going through IVF. Don’t listen to any of this. IVF is an entirely different ball game. And you should drink all the pineapple cores, wear all the cozy socks, avoid all the alcohol, and cross your toes… because… just because*


6 thoughts on “The #TWW Survival Kit

  1. I love it!!! DH and I will be on the lake with his family, participating in all the swimming, drinking and fun the afternoon of my IUI, so I’m choosing fun this cycle too! Fingers crossed, baby dust and GOOD LUCK!


  2. I just want to let you know that you gave me a much-needed laugh today! Thank you! I’ve also gotten to the point of deciding not to live like maybe I’m pregnant when I’m probably not! It’s just too painful and disheartening and even though I try to have faith and hope, there has to also be a balance of being realistic and living life. Crossing my fingers for you!


  3. I love this and totally agree. Actually, the only time I ever got pregnant was after an IUI where IDNGAF about anything that I did, I ate what I wanted, I drank, I didn’t act like I was pregnant for one minute! Although I ended up miscarrying at 4 weeks, it was the most stress free 2ww I’ve ever experienced! All others have been agonizing!


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